I do sometimes question myself as to why I am doing things and I’m having one of those lingering moments of why I am doing my degree. I know it would be to better my future prospects, but what prospects are there really with nearly a million people my age unemployed, and I have picked quite a volotile career to be in. So I ask myself sometimes what is the point… i’m not going to get anywhere when the people who used to ask me for advice have now surpassed me, and has been a pleasure to watch them bloom. But that feeling of being left behind is stifling to think that I might not be able to get a job because I’m just not good enough to be what I want to be. I suppose I sometimes carry on in the hope that someday just someday I might just make it and be where I want to be regardless of the amount of time, and think yeah I am good enough I’m determined to succeed, but I’m slowly finding it harder to find the courage and the willpower to carry on to have the feeling of being able to succeed in the future, so much so that it reduces me to tears sometimes.
Sometimes I feel like I should choose something different or settle for less, but in my heart I know that that would be taking the easy way out but on the other hand I feel like so what if I do… I could be happier than I am now. I supose that at the moment I feel like I’m slowly loosing the balance I had in my life for a brief period is slowly dissapearing, maybe its just a faze, I hope it’s just a faze and that the balance that I have felt the last few months will come back and can come back as at the moment i just feel like the future just seems a bit daunting.